It's probably been done before but I can't find it so here goes.

 

I'm in a restaurant.

 

 

People that photograph their food.

It's not irrational at all. I'm just paranoid now that I come across on forums like a barbour-jaicket-cunt. It definitely wisnae me (I was a couple of hours earlier).

 

Whew. Breathes sigh of relief.

 

I kent it couldna hiv bin you. That particular Barbour wanker couldn't have spelt fitba.

The use of the phrase 'thoughts & prayers' when people feel the need (or are 'forced') to comment on some sort of disaster/ tragedy.

Tories, and the cunts that vote for them.

 

My other half when it's that time of the month, seriously, I really want to punch her in the fucking throat.

 

Louie Spence

 

 

My other half when it's that time of the month, seriously, I really want to punch her in the fucking throat.

 

My wife and I have just tripped 32 years together. We've not had a serious argument for quarter of a century.

 

It took us SEVEN YEARS to work out that the only time we had ugly disagreements - and we did, regularly - were when she was ovulating. Once she worked that out, she stopped being an illogical unreasonable cow once a month. Plus I kept her busy by giving her loads of babies. Venus and Mars.

Waiting patiently for your toast,cuppa at hand,...and then realising you havnt put any bread in the toaster,...again   

My wife and I have just tripped 32 years together. We've not had a serious argument for quarter of a century.

 

It took us SEVEN YEARS to work out that the only time we had ugly disagreements - and we did, regularly - were when she was ovulating. Once she worked that out, she stopped being an illogical unreasonable cow once a month. Plus I kept her busy by giving her loads of babies. Venus and Mars.

 

Aye min, can honestly say that it's pretty much the same here. Just turns into a right arsehole for no reason whatsoever. But in 13 years, the only real arguments or fights have came from that time of the month, bizarre.

Waiting patiently for your toast,cuppa at hand,...and then realising you havnt put any bread in the toaster,...again   

 

I think everyone is annoyed by dementia

My wife and I have just tripped 32 years together. We've not had a serious argument for quarter of a century.

 

It took us SEVEN YEARS to work out that the only time we had ugly disagreements - and we did, regularly - were when she was ovulating. Once she worked that out, she stopped being an illogical unreasonable cow once a month. Plus I kept her busy by giving her loads of babies. Venus and Mars.

 

 

 

 

 

 

No fuckin way you managed to stop a woman being illogical.

 

 

 

 

 

For all you lads with wifes / girlfriends who have these monthly problems, I've only one word of warning to say to you.......................menopause.

When the A/C goes faulty on the hottest weekend of the year....heat index at 100-105 degF and 75% + humidity.

 

Nae fair on a Scottish loon!

As the news reports a Polar Bear being shot on Svalbard because it attacked a cruise ship guard I have to say the biggest annoyance on the planet for me is Humans

 

You want to go walking amongst polar bears in their natural habitat then sign the waiver that says you accept the largest land based predator (and one of only a handful of creatures who consider humans as food) may kill you.

But no the fat lazy irritating cruise ship community are now expanding their global pestilance to the more extreme points of the planet and expect it to be Disneyland.

 

Other examples include recent calls from Western Australian govenment officals to cull sharks so humans can 'enjoy the beaches in safety'

 

Farmers and the UK government culling badgers because they allegedly spread Bovine TB.

 

Complaints from people in coastal towns about Seagulls (Tam Cowan on off the ball supposedly joking about hitting them with Tennis racquets and sounding 'hurt' when someone texted in to point out they are a protected species)

 

And of course one of the supposed 'acceptable' legacies of Victorian times - Zoos. Edinburgh Zoo now openly admit they and other zoos essentially 'farm' certain animals which are not endangered (such as the Wallabies) so they can maintain a healthy captive population. Why the fuck Edinburgh Zoo needs to have a chimpanze research lab is a mystery to me.

I've shared my life with animals.

 

I've fed them, Ive eaten them

 

But bloody hell I draw the line at the herring gull.

 

Shoot the bastards

Collars on football shirts. Just why? It's not like ties are getting worn.

 

Even worse, top button done up on said collared football shirt.

 

In fact, top buttons done up at any time. On polo shirts, it looks ridiculous.

 

Henleys, stand collars and band collars will be the next Men fashion growth area. You heard it here first.