Linford Christie goes to a golf club, nice day and he fancies a round. The man on the door stops him before he can get in. "Sorry mate, we don't let your type in here", "What do you mean my type?" Linford replies. "Just your type mate, but theres a club 30 minutes down the road that'll let you play". Linford is in shock and replies "Do you know who I am? I'm Linford fucking Christie"............ "Fucks sake fair enough, 10 minutes down the road you cheeky cunt"

The 35 year old man accused of holding an Edinburgh nurse hostage in the boot of her own car, has said to police he was simply taking precautions as a result of a forecast of heavy snow.

 

Apparently the AA recommend keeping a spade in the boot.

 

I bought my epileptic friend a strobe light for his christmas.

 

He had a fit when he saw it.

John Travolta is to make a film dedicated to the tragic loss of his son Jett. It will be called Saturday Night Seizure

John Travolta is to make a film dedicated to the tragic loss of his son Jett. It will be called Saturday Night Seizure

 

Seabass has already been lined up to write the screenplay.

Seabass has already been lined up to write the screenplay.

harsh

Seabass has already been lined up to write the screenplay.

Always pleasing to see someone roll out an old crowd pleaser

Always pleasing to see someone roll out an old crowd pleaser

 

Is this a chairwagon?

Is this a chairwagon?

 

If it is, I'm no fit for it.

John Travolta is to make a film dedicated to the tragic loss of his son Jett. It will be called Saturday Night Seizure

 

John Travolta's son died in the early hours of Sunday...doctors have ruled out Saturday night fever.

 

John Travolta's son died in the early hours of Sunday...doctors have ruled out Saturday night fever.

 

 

It was severe head trauma apparently, he nearly knocked his face off.

It was severe head trauma apparently, he nearly knocked his face off.

 

Had no chance of Staying Alive.

Had no chance of Staying Alive.

 

Just a basic domestic disturbance, the experts believe that this will result in a civil action.

 

 

Just a basic domestic disturbance, the experts believe that this will result in a civil action.

 

 

 

It was an unlucky phenomenon for the boy in the plastic bubble bath.

Slipped on some grease and had a perfect blow out, he let out a shout but in that mad city it wasn't heard. John made a bolt for him, he tried to be cool but moment by moment staying alive was no longer an option, a thin red line of blood appeared on the eyes of an angel.

Slipped on some grease and had a perfect blow out, he let out a shout but in that mad city it wasn't heard. John made a bolt for him, he tried to be cool but moment by moment staying alive was no longer an option, a thin red line of blood appeared on the eyes of an angel.

If only John could read this. Would definitely result in a face-off.

If only John could read this. Would definitely result in a face-off.

 

Welcome to 7 hours ago

Welcome to 7 hours ago

Fucker. I didn't see that one 

seen this yesterday and thought it was too much of an oppertunity to pass down

 

 

Being a bit ironic are we there David

A kid came up to me the other day and asked "whats your favourite tellytubby?"

I said the "probably the new Samsung Plasma widescreen you cheeky wee fucker"

 

I'm going to rob a bank tomorrow dressed as a clown in my wives thong and nipple tassles. I'll be carrying a blind 3 legged goat with a dildo up its arse. In the bank the goat's gonna suck me off whilst I throw pig's blood over the room whilst shouting 'big flabby pissflaps'. Once I get the cash I'm gonna shit on the bank managers head and escape in a big pink van shaped like a giant cock

 

Lets see Crimewatch stage a reconstruction of that then!

 

Al Fayed wants to sign Ronaldo for Fulham. Not for his football ability but to show chauffers how to crash safely in tunnels.

Things are getting that bad at Ibrox that Heather Mills made a bid for David Murray's legs!

 

What's she going to do with the other one? 

Nothing. She'll be all right.

I see they found out what brought the plane down in the Hudson River last week

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I see they found out what brought the plane down in the Hudson River last week

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:lolabove: