Sweetchuck

Call me cynical if you like, but I'm not going to start wetting my drawers in excitement at the prospect of Faroese and Northern Irish youth internationalists. Take away those 5 and we still have a very average spread of youth internationalists in SPL terms. It's also worth bearing in mind that only a few of these lads are actually regulars at international level: the rest are included as internationalists becaise they've been capped in the past, not because they're current regulars for their respective nations. If you applied that approach (ie. claiming that any player ever to have won a cap at any international level is worth shouting about), I'd be willing to bet that at least 75% of our first-team squad qualifies as 'internationalists' under such rules (mostly at U21 or B level). Doesn't mean we have a squad packed full of quality, though, does it? The club can bluster about quantity of youth players as much as it likes, but I could get you 20 San Marinese youth internationals signed up by the end of the week and still have change of a tenner. Quality is far more important than quantity, and doctoring the stats for youth internationalists at the club is a pretty shabby ploy to cover up the fact that our youth setup remains nothing more than desperately average.

Well, first things first: if Miller wasn't injured, we'd have as many players in the squad as Falkirk. However, that's a minor point in the overall debate. In terms of your question about whether that worries me (the implication being that I shouldn't be), I would say that given that our short- to medium-term ambition is to be the third best team in Scotland, then of course it worries me that we can only achieve one representative in the full squad, particularly at a time when almost half of the squad is drawn from the SPL. Why on earth would that make me want to swap places with Falkirk, though? The fact that they have as many players as us in the squad doesn't mean I envy them; it just means that we each have one player worthy of inclusion in the senior squad and that they have even worse Scottish dross than us when it comes to the rest of the squad. The same is true when it comes to our youngsters. I'm not saying that Falkirk are a paradigm of good youth development; merely that they're an average outfit with a pretty poor history of producing good young players, and yet they are producing more international-class youngsters than us and (assuming they win their games in hand) outperforming us in the most meaningful indicator of youth development before graduation to the first team (the youth league). They too are a beacon of mediocrity, but the fact that they are outperforming us surely raises questions about just how good our much-vaunted crop of youngsters really is... Doesn't it? As such, my point is not that Falkirk are doing particularly well and desrving of envy, but rather that we are doing distinctly averagely, despite a number of our youngsters being hyped by the fans as saviours of the club. We need to get a reality check about just how good these young lads are. Sure, you can't base your judgement entirely on the league or junior caps, but until they make it to the first team, it's all you have. On that basis, these guys really aren't going to set the heather alight if they're thrown into the mix with the big boys next season.

Off the top of my head, Bayern at home last year, and St Mirren away the year before that.

The post was aimed at BigAl, not you. My response to you was that I've seen them with my own eyes and know that they are no better than most of the other very average youngsters out there. That said, my point about the leagues still stands: do you have any better suggestions for ways of comparing our youth players against the youth players from other teams over the course of a couple of seasons? The league seems a pretty sensible bet to me, and I couldn't give a fuck if you couldn't give a fuck about youth Scotland squads, but that doesn't change the fact that it's a worrying sign when Livingston and Cowdenbeath are able to claim as many youth internationalists as AFC.

Because that's what leaders do? If he can only get worked up about things when he's wearing an armband, he's every bit as unfit a captain as Seve.

Because I've seen youth games with my own eyes. Because the youth league tables show that we are not particularly strong at youth level across Scotland. Because none of them have made the step up yet despite our first team squad being threadbare and deficient in terms of quality. If we genuinely had outstanding youngsters, we wouldn't need to piss away £100k on utter garbage like Tommy Wright. As for Maguire being a benchmark for young players: do you think he is the quality of player required to get us into regular 3rd place finishes and beyond? If so, heaven help us. If Pawlett is on a par with Maguire, all that means is another primadonna who is incapable of some of the most basic requirements of being a professional footballer. I've seen him play and yes, he looks good, but he is only one player competing for a position for which some of JC's golden boys already provide cover. On the basis of recent international squads, we have had one player (Maguire) in the under-21s (the same number as Hamilton and three fewer than Falkirk), one (Crawford) in the October squad for the under-19s (same as Livingston and fewer than all our major SPL competitors and the likes of Falkirk) and two (Crawford and Smith) in the February squad, and 3 in the under-15s (the same as St Mirren and Cowdenbeath; fewer than Falkirk again). I'd really struggle to describe that as anything more than average. In terms of under-19 league performance, we are firmly camped in the middle of the table, which again suggests the kind of mediocrity with which Milne and Miller are so happy at first team level. Bearing in mind games in hand, our youngsters could be left trailing in the wake of those youth-team powerhouses Falkirk and ICT. Finished 6th overall last year and 7th the year before. Don't get me wrong: my point isn't that our youth team is awful, because it's not. It's just very, very average, with one or two exceptions.

Would Zander not be better placed getting the lads going himself rather than shouting at Seve to do it? Not all motivation has to stem from the captaincy: real leaders don't need armbands to confirm their stature. Zander is perfectly capable of stepping up to the plate without actually being made captain. If Seve can't be arsed then there's a leadership vacuum there which can be filled by someone with or without an armband.

A good crop of youngsters? In all honesty, the current crop of youngsters is mediocre in comparison with the rest of Scotland.

Pretty certain we'd liable for the full shebang, unfortunately. From memory, Bilbo knows more about contract law than I do though - he'd be better placed to advise. Racking my brain trying to think of other possible worthwhile names... Feel free to add. Lawrie Sanchez - Unemployed Kenny Jackett - Millwall Roberto Martinez - Swansea City

Been away again the past few weeks: looks like I'm back on here just in time for the mother of all shitstorms. In terms of the Darren Ferguson link, we have no hope whatsoever. They're romping it with Leicester at the top of League 1, and however high an opinion we have of ourselves, the simple truth is that the SPL is an unattractive and uncompetitive league with very little money available to managers. Why on earth would Ferguson want to jeopardise his extremely promising managerial career and the potential of taking Peterborough into the second richest league in the world for the sake of an emotional attachment his old man has to a club which he himself probably has fuck all interest in? Even if he was my son, I'd be telling him to stay put. Eric Black and Mark McGhee seem the most realistic options in terms of who is available and who would be prepared to take on the job, although neither inspires me with a huge amount of confidence. Black would presumably be the cheaper option as he will almost certainly have a managerial release clause in his contract. If we have to stump up for the remainder of JC's contract, the compensation we would need to pay Motherwell for McGhee would be prohibitive. However much I loathe JC being at the club, the simple truth is that unless there is concerted action from the fans - ie. a mass boycott this season or refusal to renew season tickets next year - then he's probably going to be here for the duration of his contract. Unfortunately, the financial climate not only makes sacking him more of a challenge, but also means that non-renewed season tickets will be written off by Willie Miller as being the result of finances as opposed to opposition to JC's ongoing tenure.

The poor bastard; he won't be able to squeeze in his annual trip to Mercury in order to top up his tan. Is the creosoted JC we know and love/loathe (delete as appropriate) gone for good?

That fat scab cunt is usually so far wide of the mark that I expect it's already a done deal.

Hadn't you noticed that the weather is frickin' apocalyptic, maaan? It's a miracle that any of us are still alive, if the tone of the media is anything to go by. Apparently the pavements in Notting Hill are so slushy that the residents simply can't reach the 4x4 to get to Harrods & Harvey Nicks, and are therefore on the verge of cannibalism.

Apparently a light covering of snow coupled with a cold wind down in Englandshire now constitutes "Arctic conditions". Perhaps someone should tell them that the average Arctic temperature in February is a balmy -34°C and that plenty of places far further south than the UK also experience these exact same conditions year in, year out without becoming such a load of whining, mincing "woe is me" fannies when they need to scrape their fucking windscreen in the morning. "Arctic condition"... Jesus fucking wept. At what point eactly did this country metamorphose into such a fucking cringeworthy embarrassment?

This has a whiff of shite about it - a couple of things look out of place. Firstly, the report doesn't even spell creditworthiness correctly. I would expect them to at least get that right. Secondly, Hearts are listed as having 6 CCJs against their name. CCJs don't even exist in Scotland; we have decrees instead. That doesn't mean that English companies or individuals based in England haven't had CCJs declared against HMFC, but it seems unlikely that there would be 6 CCJs from England and no decrees from Scotland. Anyway, even if this isn't rubbish, every credit agency will 'score' your report differently. Overall, the only one which really matters to us is the one HBoS uses. Not one of the UK's major banks uses anyone other than the Big Three (Experian, Callcredit and Equifax) for credit reports (incidentally, HBoS uses all three). Ultimately, it doesn't really matter whether or not this is an accurate report of CreditSafe's reports, as their reports are unlikely to have any bearing upon our finances as a club.

Scored some big goals in important games: the last minute winner from 30 yards against Hibs in front of the Merkland was orgasmic. However, all too often he's allowed himself to be dominated in midfield by far lesser opponents. He's done a good job for us overall, but ultimately he'll still leave as something of a disappointment, because nobody could deny that he was capable of much more on a much more regular basis. With the right motivation and commitment he could have developed into as good an all-round midfielder as Scott Brown, but that drive sadly isn't there. Plus, if the personal stories I've heard are anything to go by, it would do him good to get away from the city of Aberdeen. As long as he doesn't sign for the Huns or the Jutes, I dare say he'll leave with the best wishes of most Dons fans, but I think many will still look back at the excitement felt when we signed him, and will ask questions about whether or not he ever really justified that excitement on a consistent basis.

We have nothing to be grateful to the Old Firm for. NOTHING. If any Scottish clubs exhibit parasitic tendencies, it's the Bigot Brothers and their nasty habit of hoovering up talented players from any emerging opposition, before making the laughable claim that the league isn't competitive enough for them to succeed in Europe. If you are seriously under the impression that your kids wouldn't hear far more objectionable stuff in the away end, then you are even more deluded than your average Celtic fan, and utterly beyond redemption. Presumably you were out of earshot of the DOB chants and 'folk' songs on Sunday? Delusional? Check. Persecution complex? Check. Fake Irish passport? Check. Paranoid delusions about anti-popery within the AFC support? Check. Blinkered view of the appalling behaviour of the green and grey unwashed? Check. Seriously, just fuck off and take your paranoia with you. For as long as people like you play the victim, and scumbags like McGeady turn their back on their country of birth for the sake of their own deluded prejudices, I reserve the right to criticise you and them for it. Now fucking grow up and get your own house in order before throwing around ridiculous accusations about other clubs and supporters.

Durrant and rave about Simmie every time a Hun game comes round? I can safely say that all this Boersma to tears.

So they're welcome everywhere in Europe, but you don't want your kids anywhere near them? Fuck off and take your double standards, whiney self-delusion and mock moral outrage to a forum where people could actually give a fuck about you, your wife, your kids or your worthless opinion. If you're fucking stupid enough to take your pride and joy into the wrong end at a fitba match because you're too much of a gloryhunting, fairweather fan to get proper away end tickets then you're probably lucky you didn't get your teeth knocked out. Try doing that at Ibrox and see how far you get, you fucking wind-up piece of shit.

1. Parkhead 2. Celtic Park 3. That one in the East End of Glasgow Only being able to see one fucking set of goals in the ground is ridiculous. Plus, when you can't see the game you have to endure the pig-ugliest football fans in Scotland, bar none. And I'm not referring to our away support, before anyone starts.

I was thinking about that when I typed my reply earlier, and half-thought about mentioning it. Nice to see it's remembered fondly by others, too. "Was that a goal then?"

Having seen your ugly mug on the DonsTalk wall of shame, I can assure you that it's not you. No; the offender is a wee lad - probably not much over 5'3" - and has a tendency to repeat exactly what's been shouted by the fella standing next to him just 5 seconds before, regardless of whether he actually knows him or not. He also makes these... er... noises. The closest comparison I can think of is washed up 80s comedy superstar Bobcat Goldthwaite and his vocal stylings: growls/whines/strangling sounds etc. He also seems happily oblivious to the fact that so many people try to take the piss out of him (sometimes quite cruelly, I might add). He also seems totally harmless, even if he does seem a bit unstable when he loses it at the referee, moves up an octave and starts spewing forth second-hand insults, slobbering all over the guy in front of him in the process. Anyone else who sits even remotely near this guy will know exactly who I'm talking about. As my Granny would always say: ar's neen so queer as folk.

I'm not saying he should come out in an "Anyone but England" t-shirt. I just find it sad to think that him waving the Saltire would be any more offensive to the English than it would be for us to see Henman waving an England flag. I wouldn't let it bother me one bit and I don't see why so many English people are so quick to associate Scottishness with hatred of the English. Yes, there are some wankers up here who take an innocent sporting rivalry too far, but in general, the idea that Scottish=anti-English is nothing more than a paranoid myth spread by red-top shitrags down south in order to shift more copy. I don't know a single Scot who hates England or the English, regardless of how much they all enjoy seeing them get absolutely pumped at fitba. If anyone down south thought that him waving a Saltire was sufficient antagonism to justify driving the guy our of his home, they need to get a serious reality check and have a think a bit more deeply about why they should be so offended by a Scot celebrating his national identity.

Sadly, I think you're right, in that he'll probably bottle it and either wave a Union Jack or nothing at all (assuming he doesn't bottle it during the match itself). However, why should he or his advisors be worried about what people in England think? They're the ones who have blown an entirely innocent comment out of context, so fuck 'em. It's not like he depends on them for funding any more. If he was a 13 year-old dependent on LTA funding then fine, but the guy's already a millionaire and about to be named as one of the world's top 4 players. If I was in his position, I would be keen to antagonise them as much as possible, because it clearly grinds their gears really badly to see some snotty-nosed, uppity Jock winning anything where their toffee-nosed, inglorious-failure, personality-vacuum Henman failed so regularly; and nothing he ever does will win them round, given the rampant ignorance which currently accompanies their frenzied condemnations of him as a person.