Sweetchuck

Obvisually not a very cencible thing to do. There's actually a wee guy quite near me in the RDU who fits this description incredibly accurately.

I already know that when I buy my season ticket, I get into a few games for free over the course of the season compared to paying at the gate each game. Surely the opportunity to watch your club at a net reduced rate should be enough of an incentive in itself? What more incentive should you need in order to do indulge in something you love?

I'm sure he was just going through Stuart Hogg's fitness programme.

Taken from 606 on the BBC, written without any hint of irony whatsoever: So apparently it's okay for them to wind up other nationalities, but not for Murray to do it to them: the classic Little England paranoia. That's without even discussing the 'Scottish if he loses' nonsense. And although I loathe his paper with every ounce of my being, here's an explanatory article from the Daily Mail's Des Kelly, the (English) journalist to whom Murray originally made the infamous "anyone but England" remark:

I find it hilarious that so many of the English get so bitter about people in Scotland not supporting them. When they come out with shite like that, it just makes me want to keep heckling them a bit more. What they fail to understand is firstly that what Andy Murray said, he said jokingly; and secondly, that by getting so riled and descending to that kind of level, they make themselves look just as stupid - if not more so - as someone who genuinely does want England to lose at everything. For that reason and that reason only, I would love to see Murray win Wimbledon, just to shove it right up those bitter, narrow-minded bastards who whine about him not supporting England in the World Cup. To see the look on their faces would be a thing of beauty.

Not sure how good an idea it is to bring Zander back for this one, but hopefully he makes his way through the 90 minutes without taking another knock.

Women's final already rained off (postponed until tomorrow) today, so doubtful that this will go ahead tonight.

In case there's anyone out there who doesn't know the answer, we can save you the embarrassment of having to ask, by giving you a hint. So, as a homage to Scotsport's sorely-missed retardathon competitions, take your pick from: a) Andrew Considine; b) Ming the Merciless; or c) General Augusto Pinochet.

Last season's UEFA Cup Final in Manchester showed that even when Rangers do distribute their tickets, their fans can't be relied upon to behave like members of the human race. The disgraceful behaviour of their away fans at SPL grounds also serves as evidence of this, and goes to show quite clearly that any quality control mechanism which RFC has in place when issuing tickets doesn't justify us paying them a 5% surcharge. If paying that 5% meant that Rangers would send us respectable human beings instead of the filth that regularly lurches its way drunkenly into Pittodrie for matches against them, then I would gladly pay it. Until then, I doubt any of the SPL clubs could do a worse job than Rangers.

NUJ picket, 1990.

Let's not forget that McLeish thought that Ostenstad, Capucho, Emerson and Mladenovic were good enough for a Champions League side. He couldn't spot a decent youngster if he was being robbed at gunpoint by Theo Walcott. The Daily Retard never fails to amaze in its attempts to do AFC down. I'm amazed they haven't made up a quote from Aluko about Durrant deserving everything he got, to be honest. A paper written by bitter, blinkered mongoloids, read by bitter, blinkered mongoloids. Shame on anyone in this neck of the woods who actually reads it.

Aye.

If Tim Bakens' experience is anything to go by, JC will be in touch with Landzaat again around Christmas time. Also, why do we seem unable to ascertain the contract status of players? Is he still under contract, or what? First we were told Maybury had been released by Leicester; then it emerged that he wasn't, and that Leicester were looking for a fee; then it transpired that they weren't looking for a fee, but that he was still under contract. Now with this lad, we are told firstly that he's been released by CSKA Sofia; now it seems that he's still under contract; next we'll be told that he'll only be here for a season, if at all. Why does our club seem to create so many problems for itself in the transfer market?

Aye, we raise our game against them so much that we haven't beaten them away from home in 13 years. What a load of old bollocks. Anyone who still comes out with this "raising their game" guff just shows themselves up as either a) being on the wind up, or b) knowing fuck all about football, and buying into lazy Daily Retard arguments specially designed for Old Filth IQ levels. Why does anyone even give a shit what Broadfoot thinks, anyway? He's a no-mark footballer whose ongoing presence in a Rangers shirt causes me much amusement; it's like asking Darren Mackie about thermonuclear physics.

Are you allergic to commas? Just tell your club to do what ours has done ie. think about it and come up with a scheme which fucks their fans over for the money. The only way that the Filth are going to learn is by hitting them in the pocket the way they want to hit us in the pocket, not through poorly-written online petitions, which - without wanting to piss on your chips too much - never achieve anything more than the square root of two thirds of 20% of fuck all.

So you haven't seen any of the following? - Chris Clark at RB - Severin not only as a centre back but also as a striker - Foster at LB/RB - Duff at RB - Considine at LB - Mackie at RM - Jamie Smith as CM Those are simply incidents which I recall from last season. I could go back further if you like, but there's not really much point. How anyone can deny that JC plays players out of position is, quite frankly, beyond me. What effect that has on our results is obviously open to debate, but I don't think many people would argue that a team of players played out of position performs as well as a team of players playing in their preferred positions.

But this is just another example of the hyperbole which surrounds Foster. You make it sound as if he never gets a single pass right, which again is ridiculous. He had a couple of misplaced passes on Saturday but overall, he cost us far less possession than Jamie Smith and Mark Kerr did. People seriously need to start thinking about whether it makes more sense to get angry at the rusty scalpel being used to remove your tonsils, or at the surgeon who's chosen to use it in the first place.

No; and I don't believe I'm so stupid that I would ever make quite such a bizarre claim. My point was rather that Foster is prepared to accept significant personal abuse from the support in order to help the team. Do you think it would be much fun to have your every pass heckled? Of course not. He has no right to tell JC where he's going to play, but equally JC has no right to make him play at LB/RB. Foster gets paid more than a living wage regardless of whether he plays or not. The fact that he plays despite getting significant abuse suggests a commitment to the team above self which appears sadly lacking in many of our other players. Don't get me wrong; I don't think Foster is the kind of quality we should be aiming for, but the abuse the guy takes on here for not being a meritorious player in a position he dislikes is simply ridiculous sometimes. Take one example: having Foster on the pitch is 'worse than being a man down'. Perhaps we should play with ten men and no RB whatsoever next week to test that proposition.

In all seriousness, does this guy never get tired of the sound his voice makes when it's talking pish?

We hoped to do this when a fans' representative (Chris Gavin) was taken on to the board at Pittodrie... And that was the last that anyone ever heard of him. Our board is full of tokenistic gestures, but at base they know that they have got a hard-core of loyal supporters which will rival that of Rangers and Celtic when times get bad for them (see Celtic's 12,000 attendances in the 1980s, for example). Why worry about your customers when you have consistently treated them like shite and they have kept coming back for more? Collective dialogue is great when you're talking about people with fairly similar amounts of leverage, but when the power imbalance is so skewed, it takes an extremely visionary board to see the merits of sharing that power out a bit. When I think of the term "visionary" in the same sentence as our board, I can't help but choke snotters out of my nose in contempt.

Jesus. Calderwood has more money to spend. Now there's a scary thought. I fully expect to see Scott Wilson in a Dons shirt for the game against the Huns.

Pittodrie wasn't packed to the rafters when Fergie was in charge and we rolled over some of Europe's best teams with ease. End of argument.

I agree; it should have been good enough, but when you combine players out of position with poor preparation and little confidence in their own abilities, you are asking for trouble. I really can't understand how JC remains oblivious to the fact that the players seem to be in completely the wrong frame of mind, don't appear to have any sense of purpose when attacking, and are inevitably hurting the team's cumulative performance (however unintentionally) by being played out of position.

Does anyone know who the reigning Olympic tennis champion is? Nope? Does anyone care? Thought not.