Right, about time we got our act together and treated ourselves to some Christmas goodies.

 

I'll start us off with the prettiest little bit o' stuff ever to grace the stage.

 

Ekaterina Maximova.

 

 

Aye, there was always one that would embarrass you.

 

Mine was a Dolly Parton album, I took a fair amount of stick for that.

 

I actually liked "Jolene" so headed down to the newly opened ASDA at Dyce to buy the single.

The album was 99p and cheaper than the single so it seemed to make sense.

 

I burned all my albums on a bonfire a few years ago.

It was like killing memories.

I lost a lot of my vinyl when my house ended up flooded back in 2009, just rescued some of my dad's old ones, which I brought here with me

I had a huge record collection. I sold them to my best mate back home under the provision that I would/could buy them back If I moved back home. I had some very rare stuff in there.

This would be a nice present.... I don't think I could get the wife to get it for me. 

 

This year, I’ve decided not to buy any Xmas presents. It must be over a quarter of a century ago since I bought my wife one. Our philosophy is if we want or need something, we buy it at the time. A religious festival highjacked for commercial reasons will not dictate our purchase-timing decisions.

But, we all got you something.

But, we all got you something.

 

That’s kind but it wasn’t necessary.

 

I insisted to all my kids that they don’t buy me anything, ever.

 

Easy sell because they despise me anyway.

This year is going to be an interesting “present” for my wife.

 

Our two eldest live in London and the wife doesn’t know our eldest is flying home on Sunday.

 

It’s the first time for 2 or 3 years when all 6 of us will be together.

 

Can’t wait to see her face when he walks through the door. The rest of us know.

You see, you're a softie really.

You see, you're a softie really.

 

I was tempted to write “fuck off ye poof”.

 

You would probably be one of the few who would have got it. Being Eberdeen and of a certain vintage.

 

It’s alarming how a busier AFC webchatspeaksite is populated by so many non-Eberdeen mutants.

 

Posted back there after they banned me from here. Now they’ve banned me from there again. For 10 days.

 

Even the moderating isn’t Eberdeen these days. World’s turning to shit.

 

Jerry Sadowitz said it best. His opening line at the music hall was “Britain’s gone gay”. 

I keep the youngsters I work with up to date with the acceptable uses of the word poof. It's important not to let tradition die out. I've used poof and gaylord since before I knew what poofs and gaylords were.

Gaylord wasn’t in use in Abz schools in the 70’s. Poof was the only game in town.

 

It’s more an attitude and a sense of humour, being Eberdeen.

 

It’s definitely still healthy in the real world but dying out online with so many young thick fucks posting.

 

Last month when they banned me from here, I got the message whilst in my room at the Ritz. I thought that deeply ironic, without thinking through what the irony might be. At least they telt me I was banned and why, even though I don’t agree. Cunts over there never bothered. How un-NE is that?

 

We done the Dorchester, the Savoy and the Ritz the last 3 years. Never again. The Ritz was the worst. Establishment England and not worth the money. Interesting to see how the 1% play but terribly tragic seeing grown local men, good cunts underneath it all kowtowing to us all in their menial concierge and doorkeeping roles.

 

Fuck England and fuck the establishment. That’s not even NE anymore. Feeble cunts voted Tory.

Nae quite true about the word poof.

 

You could easily use

 

Fuckin Poof

Fuckin Poofter

Fuckin Snapper

Fuckin Whiter

Here’s why being nice works. Some cunts are only “nice” at Xmas.

 

My neighbour works in O & G and is away for a month at a time. Whenever he’s back he hands in a stack of films he’s copied onto DVD’s and I when I seen him last week, gave him a bottle of the cheap Asda champagne that we usually stock up on at Xmas. I was giving him the spiel about blind tasting and value for money etc. when he told me he was on the case as he’d just bought some that day as it had been reduced by 50%, to £8 a bottle. I went over and spent £192 on 2 dozen bottles, a saving of £96.

 

Not that we need that much but we have a full hoose and it’s nice to know we won’t run out. I just hope we have a heap left over to enjoy after our teetotal January.

 

Every time you do something nice or positive for someone else, the karma bounces back with interest. Not just in trivial matters like this but in everything. There’s a lesson in there somewhere.

Remember to tip your postman. And your paperboy/girl if you have one, not that many still get newspapers.

 

It’s shocking how the majority don’t give a tip. Miserable cunts.

 

Tip your postman the morns morn and you’ll probably win the lottery. That’s how it works.

My present to any of you AFC who have the potential of recognising beauty and having soul.

 

https://www.theguardian.com/music/2017/dec/18/the-10-best-music-videos-2017?CMP=fb_gu

 

A gift given to us this evening. Never seen any of these before. Loving it.

Here’s why being nice works. Some cunts are only “nice” at Xmas.

 

My neighbour works in O & G and is away for a month at a time. Whenever he’s back he hands in a stack of films he’s copied onto DVD’s and I when I seen him last week, gave him a bottle of the cheap Asda champagne that we usually stock up on at Xmas. I was giving him the spiel about blind tasting and value for money etc. when he told me he was on the case as he’d just bought some that day as it had been reduced by 50%, to £8 a bottle. I went over and spent £192 on 2 dozen bottles, a saving of £96.

 

Not that we need that much but we have a full hoose and it’s nice to know we won’t run out. I just hope we have a heap left over to enjoy after our teetotal January.

 

Every time you do something nice or positive for someone else, the karma bounces back with interest. Not just in trivial matters like this but in everything. There’s a lesson in there somewhere.

 

Might want to check the arithmetic there Rocket

Might want to check the arithmetic there Rocket

 

Just did. Bang on I reckon. I make mistakes for sure but not on the maths on this one.

 

All war broke loose here in the last 5 minutes.

 

Daughters 2 & 3 have been so brainwashed by pc upbringing (external to how we brought them up), their dad can’t repeat words from great art without offending their sensibilities. Art that they just introduced me too. It’s really frightening how society has imposed taboos not just on concepts and thinking but individual words. Fucked up.

If you have saved 50% then your spend and saving would be the same. I.e original cost £10, 50% reduction means new cost £5 and saving of £5.

On that basis you have actually saved twice the amount you put in your post.

Anyway enjoy the champagne

If you have saved 50% then your spend and saving would be the same. I.e original cost £10, 50% reduction means new cost £5 and saving of £5.

On that basis you have actually saved twice the amount you put in your post.

Anyway enjoy the champagne

 

I bought 3 bottles at £12 each.

 

I gave my neighbour one.

 

He said it was for sale at £8 a bottle, that very day.

 

I purchased at £8 per bottle, a 50% saving.

 

Had it been £6 a bottle, that would have been 100% saving.

 

Had it been £4 a bottle, that would have been a 200% saving.

 

Had it been £1.20, it was 900% saving. 

Actually fuck, you got me confused now!

 

Buying at 8 instead of 12 is a 33% saving.

 

I was spikkin shite. As you were...

The more I drink the better my arithmetic gets.

 

The banning of words is the modern equivalent of the burning of books.

 

No good will come of it.

It’s not the arithmetic that I screwed up on, more the application i.e. where to start, so a thinking or expression malfunction.

 

I was reckoning that 12 is 50% more than 8, which it is.

 

But a “saving” is on the original amount so no amount of bevvy can right my wrong.

 

Now I need to go into town to buy a “present” for myself. It’s nothing to do with Xmas but the fact I made a decision to buy them now, at this time of year, is a major inconvenience as there will be lots of people kicking about. And I find that claustrophobic. I never feel that at the fitba. I have zero crowd-aversion there but wading amongst cunts shopping, and the associated busier traffic with dithering idiots, just nae eese.

 

The fact I don’t mind the busier roads before and after football has highlighted an incongruity or a contradiction within ma heid. Back to the drawing board for me. Arithmetic-application and tolerance criteria fails for rocket.

Shopphobia is a problem for me too.

 

Of course I desperately don't want to be in the shop to start with.

 

I need to see my escape route, any form of obstical in my way of the door to freedom and a form of panic starts to set in.

 

There was briefly a woolies where Asda down by the beach is now.

They set their aisles out so that you couldn't get out without zig zagging, I couldn't get out quickly enough.

Only ever went in once.

 

I was once, and believe me only once, persuaded to join Mrs Donsdaft in a visit to Ikea ( it was her birthday or I'd never have said yes)

 

I was in just under 5 minutes, I couldn't get out, I nearly went through a fire exit.

 

 

As you said, I've been in major crowds at football matches, no problem at all.

 

 

I don't think I was designed for shopping ( I like markets)

I also went to Ikea once, with the wife, and I hated it.

 

It wasn’t just the circuitous shopping route that was unbearable. She thought it would be a good idea to eat there and reckoned the Swedish meatballs were consumption-worthy. Looked like poor kwolity meat shite to me. Terrible day, made even more tragic by spending too much time in a car getting to and from.