http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/8216991.stm

 

Comedian Dan Antopolski has won a prize for the funniest joke of this year's Edinburgh Fringe.

 

The funnyman, who has previously been nominated for the Perrier award, picked up the trophy from TV channel Dave.

 

Nine comedy critics sat through thousands of jokes before choosing 27 for viewers to vote on.

 

The winning joke was a one-liner from 36-year-old Antopolski's show Silent But Deadly - "Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?"

 

The Londoner proved popular with critics and viewers and another of his jokes made the top 10 list.

 

The Top 10 jokes were judged to be:

 

• 1) Dan Antopolski - "Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?"

 

• 2) Paddy Lennox - "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'."

 

• 3) Sarah Millican - "I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they're up where they belong."

 

• 4) Zoe Lyons - "I went on a girls' night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill'. I went as Rose West."

 

• 5) Jack Whitehall - "I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."

 

• 6) Adam Hills - "Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough."

 

• 7) Marcus Brigstocke - "To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!"

 

• 8 ) Rhod Gilbert - "A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble."

 

• 9) Dan Antopolski - "I've been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I've seen it six times and there isn't."

 

• 10) Simon Brodkin (as Lee Nelson) - "I started so many fights at my school - I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn't finish a lot of them."

 

The judges also listed some of the worst jokes at this year's Fringe.

 

• Carey Marx - "I'm not doing any Michael Jackson jokes, because they always involve puns about his songs. And that's bad."

 

• Frank Woodley - "I phoned the swine flu hotline and all I got was crackling."

 

• Alex Maple - "Michael Jackson only invented the moonwalk so he could sneak up on children."

 

• Phil Nichol - "She's got a face like a rare Chinese vase - minging."

 

• Alistair McGowan - "I've just split up from my girlfriend, which is a shame, because it was a long-standing arrangement. Perhaps if we'd sat down a bit more..."

 

Anyone do any better?

Fuck you, dick

Fuck you, dick

 

It is with rapier like put downs such as this that any hecklers will be sorely dealt with.

Fuck you, dick

What? Come on min, that was funny.

It is with rapier like put downs such as this that any hecklers will be sorely dealt with.

 

Verbal nukes a-go-go.

Bloke comes home to find his son sitting on the couch grinning ear to ear, "What are you so happy about?" he asked.

"I just fucked the girl next door" he said proudly.

"Well done son, I hope you were wearing something?"

"Yes" his son replied "a balaclava!"

The skipping stones round on Takeshi's castle seems a lot better than before!

10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.

10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.

 

Did you mean to post that in the jokes thread?

Did you mean to post that in the jokes thread?

 

Kim Jong Il to prove he had a sense of humour after all by getting his gravestone engraved with "I told you I was Il".

 

What do you say to a Hun with a beautiful woman on his arm?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nice tattoo, you hun cunt.

January transfer news: Liverpool FC and Chelsea FC are in a battle to sign Diane Abbott.

TRANSFER NEWS :- Liverpool fc are strongly linked with a right winger, reports suggest Nick Griffin is on his way to Anfield for a medical. 

Good news for schoolgirl Megan Stammers.  She has passed her French oral exam.

 

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The highs and lows of being a teacher....

One day you're reading the register, the next day you're on it!!!!

 

Girls - pre-pubescent, feminine itching? Apply some Saville-on

The BBC News channel just displayed images of the three women who claimed that Jimmy Savile interfered with them sexually. They showed a current picture of each of the women and a picture taken of each of them from the 1970s. The caption read: Now, then. Now, then. Now, then.

The BBC News channel just displayed images of the three women who claimed that Jimmy Savile interfered with them sexually. They showed a current picture of each of the women and a picture taken of each of them from the 1970s. The caption read: Now, then. Now, then. Now, then.

 

 

Ooft!

The BBC News channel just displayed images of the three women who claimed that Jimmy Savile interfered with them sexually. They showed a current picture of each of the women and a picture taken of each of them from the 1970s. The caption read: Now, then. Now, then. Now, then.

 

haha I nicked that one.

They've just found Jimmy Saville's diary.  His last entry was about 10 years old.

@piersmorgan I heard that Jimmy Savile fucked you and took the Rohypnol himself to forget about it afterwards

More scandal at the bbc. They've discovered that morph was a fuckin playdofile!!!!

The world is ending today but don't worry.......It's coming back tomorrow as "sevco world" with its history fully intact!!!

Wished a Rangers fan a Happy New Year yesterday, he got pissed off and said it was not a new year but a continuation of 2012.

What the fuck are you doing wishing happiness to a hun?

I had this sexy girl, flat on her back outside a club last night. We were locking lips, it was getting passionate and hot, then some people started to gather around and watch. To put on a show, I thought I'd slip a few fingers into her fanny while I gently kissed her neck. That's when her boyfriend said, "You don't know CPR, do you?"