http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/8216991.stm

 

Comedian Dan Antopolski has won a prize for the funniest joke of this year's Edinburgh Fringe.

 

The funnyman, who has previously been nominated for the Perrier award, picked up the trophy from TV channel Dave.

 

Nine comedy critics sat through thousands of jokes before choosing 27 for viewers to vote on.

 

The winning joke was a one-liner from 36-year-old Antopolski's show Silent But Deadly - "Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?"

 

The Londoner proved popular with critics and viewers and another of his jokes made the top 10 list.

 

The Top 10 jokes were judged to be:

 

• 1) Dan Antopolski - "Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?"

 

• 2) Paddy Lennox - "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'."

 

• 3) Sarah Millican - "I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they're up where they belong."

 

• 4) Zoe Lyons - "I went on a girls' night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill'. I went as Rose West."

 

• 5) Jack Whitehall - "I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."

 

• 6) Adam Hills - "Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough."

 

• 7) Marcus Brigstocke - "To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!"

 

• 8 ) Rhod Gilbert - "A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble."

 

• 9) Dan Antopolski - "I've been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I've seen it six times and there isn't."

 

• 10) Simon Brodkin (as Lee Nelson) - "I started so many fights at my school - I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn't finish a lot of them."

 

The judges also listed some of the worst jokes at this year's Fringe.

 

• Carey Marx - "I'm not doing any Michael Jackson jokes, because they always involve puns about his songs. And that's bad."

 

• Frank Woodley - "I phoned the swine flu hotline and all I got was crackling."

 

• Alex Maple - "Michael Jackson only invented the moonwalk so he could sneak up on children."

 

• Phil Nichol - "She's got a face like a rare Chinese vase - minging."

 

• Alistair McGowan - "I've just split up from my girlfriend, which is a shame, because it was a long-standing arrangement. Perhaps if we'd sat down a bit more..."

 

Anyone do any better?

I just found a rock that was 1760 yards in length. That's got to be some kind of milestone surely?

George Burley!

Harry Potter 

Scottish fitba?

What's the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot?

 

One's a marsupial and the other is a Geordie stuck in a lift.

• Alex Maple - "Michael Jackson only invented the moonwalk so he could sneak up on children."

 

This made me laugh

 

Whats the difference between beer and non alcholoic beer?

its a bit like giving head to your sister............ tastes the same but its just not right

 

Whats pink and got cobwebs?

 

madeleine mcanns bike................. too soon?  Bet that one gets me a few dislikes

This made me laugh

 

Whats the difference between beer and non alcholoic beer?

its a bit like giving head to your sister............ tastes the same but its just not right

 

Whats pink and got cobwebs?

 

madeleine mcanns bike................. too soon?  Bet that one gets me a few dislikes

 

I went to see Frankie Boyle a couple of weeks ago and he made a couple of jokes about Maddie that he hadn't been allowed to air on Mock the Week - I laughed a lot 

The McCanns must be gutted the Stig is that Ben Collins dude, it was pretty much thier last hope . . . . .

Horny fat wife in stockings & high heels puts on a cape.  She bursts into the bedroom and shouts to her husband "Superpussy!!!"

 

He looks up and says "I'll have the soup!"

What's the difference between maddie and a Russian submarine?

 

I've not been inside a russian submarine.

 

It's funny cos it's true.

I bumped into a guy crying outside John Lewis today. He told me he was crying because he hated this time of year. When I asked why he hated it he said he hated having to dress up in a red outfit and embarrass himself infront of so many people.

 

I told Paul Hartley that it was his decision to sign for Aberdeen!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shamelessly stolen from a mate who text me it.

The seating plan for Gerry Rafferty's funeral has been organised.

Clowns to the left of him, jokers to his right.

The seating plan for Gerry Rafferty's funeral has been organised.

Clowns to the left of him, jokers to his right.

 

Bumped for Facebook.

 

Regards,

 

Me

A guy I know said he been on a once in a lifetime holiday.

 

I asked him what it was like and he said, "never again"

What do you call an epileptic in a deck-chair?

 

A transformer.

Kate and Gerry McCann have announced that Kate is pregnant.

 

They have also announced their intention to have the child put up for abduction.

Bristol Police investigating the Joanna Yeates case say the murderer stole one of her socks...  Am I the only person thinking "Heather Mills"?

Bristol Police investigating the Joanna Yeates case say the murderer stole one of her socks...  Am I the only person thinking "Heather Mills"?

 

Yes. Though even a stumpy hooker wouldn't pump you!

Yes. Though even a stumpy hooker wouldn't pump you!

Indeed, that's why I don't give them the option to say no.

Indeed, that's why I don't give them the option to say no.

 

Well be careful out there, a rape can turn into a murder at the drop of a brick.

Well be careful out there, a rape can turn into a murder at the drop of a brick.

Or the twist of a neck.

 

Sky News:

 

"Joanna Yeates Brother in Hole of Despair"

 

I felt exactly the same last time I made a hole in my wank sock that I borrowed from my sister.

Or the twist of a neck.

 

Sky News:

 

"Joanna Yeates Brother in Hole of Despair"

 

I felt exactly the same last time I made a hole in my wank sock that I borrowed from my sister.

 

Best of luck with your stand up career. 

I actually have my own jokes written down but not posting them here as some are a bit rough.

I actually have my own jokes written down but not posting them here as some are a bit rough.

 

Really. You are a continual source of surprise.

Really. You are a continual source of surprise.

That's what the ladies say too.

Best of luck with your stand up career.