Kowalski Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 Two couples on holiday, and husbands Jim and Dave decide to try and get their ladies to wife swap. Amazingly they agree but Jim knows hiw wife is on her time of the month so he has got one up on Dave. They agree that at breakfast they'll tap the spoon on the table to show however many times they shagged the other's missus. Next morning Jim grins and taps the table twice, looks across at Dave who smiles then taps once on the jam and three times on the Nutella! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harcus Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 I just found a rock that was 1760 yards in length. That's got to be some kind of milestone surely? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glasgow sheep Posted October 9, 2010 Share Posted October 9, 2010 George Burley! Harry Potter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madbadteacher Posted October 9, 2010 Share Posted October 9, 2010 Scottish fitba? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slim Posted October 9, 2010 Share Posted October 9, 2010 What's the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot? One's a marsupial and the other is a Geordie stuck in a lift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tlg1903 Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 • Alex Maple - "Michael Jackson only invented the moonwalk so he could sneak up on children." This made me laugh Whats the difference between beer and non alcholoic beer? its a bit like giving head to your sister............ tastes the same but its just not right Whats pink and got cobwebs? madeleine mcanns bike................. too soon? Bet that one gets me a few dislikes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goldie03 Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 This made me laugh Whats the difference between beer and non alcholoic beer? its a bit like giving head to your sister............ tastes the same but its just not right Whats pink and got cobwebs? madeleine mcanns bike................. too soon? Bet that one gets me a few dislikes I went to see Frankie Boyle a couple of weeks ago and he made a couple of jokes about Maddie that he hadn't been allowed to air on Mock the Week - I laughed a lot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TENEMENTFUNSTER Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 The McCanns must be gutted the Stig is that Ben Collins dude, it was pretty much thier last hope . . . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kowalski Posted November 12, 2010 Share Posted November 12, 2010 Horny fat wife in stockings & high heels puts on a cape. She bursts into the bedroom and shouts to her husband "Superpussy!!!" He looks up and says "I'll have the soup!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tlg1903 Posted November 17, 2010 Share Posted November 17, 2010 What's the difference between maddie and a Russian submarine? I've not been inside a russian submarine. It's funny cos it's true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyrant Posted November 25, 2010 Share Posted November 25, 2010 I bumped into a guy crying outside John Lewis today. He told me he was crying because he hated this time of year. When I asked why he hated it he said he hated having to dress up in a red outfit and embarrass himself infront of so many people. I told Paul Hartley that it was his decision to sign for Aberdeen! Shamelessly stolen from a mate who text me it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kowalski Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 The seating plan for Gerry Rafferty's funeral has been organised. Clowns to the left of him, jokers to his right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glasgowdon Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 The seating plan for Gerry Rafferty's funeral has been organised. Clowns to the left of him, jokers to his right. Bumped for Facebook. Regards, Me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torryloon Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 A guy I know said he been on a once in a lifetime holiday. I asked him what it was like and he said, "never again" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maverick sheep Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 What do you call an epileptic in a deck-chair? A transformer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TENEMENTFUNSTER Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Kate and Gerry McCann have announced that Kate is pregnant. They have also announced their intention to have the child put up for abduction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minijc Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Bristol Police investigating the Joanna Yeates case say the murderer stole one of her socks... Am I the only person thinking "Heather Mills"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TENEMENTFUNSTER Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Bristol Police investigating the Joanna Yeates case say the murderer stole one of her socks... Am I the only person thinking "Heather Mills"? Yes. Though even a stumpy hooker wouldn't pump you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minijc Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Yes. Though even a stumpy hooker wouldn't pump you! Indeed, that's why I don't give them the option to say no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TENEMENTFUNSTER Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Indeed, that's why I don't give them the option to say no. Well be careful out there, a rape can turn into a murder at the drop of a brick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minijc Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Well be careful out there, a rape can turn into a murder at the drop of a brick. Or the twist of a neck. Sky News: "Joanna Yeates Brother in Hole of Despair" I felt exactly the same last time I made a hole in my wank sock that I borrowed from my sister. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kowalski Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Or the twist of a neck. Sky News: "Joanna Yeates Brother in Hole of Despair" I felt exactly the same last time I made a hole in my wank sock that I borrowed from my sister. Best of luck with your stand up career. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minijc Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 I actually have my own jokes written down but not posting them here as some are a bit rough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TENEMENTFUNSTER Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 I actually have my own jokes written down but not posting them here as some are a bit rough. Really. You are a continual source of surprise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minijc Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Really. You are a continual source of surprise. That's what the ladies say too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
️ Come on you Reds! 
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