kelt

Where the fuck is the link to the match streams?

Double ost to get attention to your literacy prowess Kelt

We already have a resident author on board, so you'll need to go some to knock him of his pedestal

I was working on a little Aberdeen Fan Fiction over the Christmas holidays, but didn't get the graphics finished although the story is completed. I was also working on the trailer, which also never got finished before I had to start earning a living again, though I'm hoping I'll soon have a little extra time to finish it.. however my Donstalk 09 Season is hogging much of my free posting minutes.

Anyway, here's the unfinished trailer previewing How The Milnch Fucked Aberdeen.

Enjoy what there is of it 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0kl50puuYA

Double post.

Double Dose of my Pimpin'.

Edited before someone faints from the excitement.

ooohhh I am intreaged Kelt if its as good as some oh yer posts !

 

Gonna gee us a snipet then ?

I might consider posting a wee preview at some point, then again I might no 

If you're really lucky/unfortunate you might find a piece of fan fiction online that I did a few years ago... a one page Strontium Dog script, inked by 2000ad artist P.J. Holden. I posted the script for a laugh, and he inked and published it. It's called 'The Day The Dog Died'... but aside from a few references online it seems to have gone the way of all my great works 

an anthology of short comics stories from 1999 to 2007 all illustrated by PJ and featuring a number of writers, including Jaspre Barke (the excellent Stripped Bare strips), Jason Cobley, Kelt and a fellow 2000 AD regular, Gordon Rennie.

If I have a copy on my HD I'll mebbes post it.

“I could have gone south, and I still might in the future, but I am happy at Aberdeen.â€

Is some team in Stoney looking for new players?

Just finished Ice Hunt, a 'thriller' about Russians, heroic Americans, human experimentation and savage, walking whales.

It was terribad.

Also just wrapped up Ringworld, a sci-fi tale about two humans, a talking tiger and an alien that behaves like a tortoise.

It was terribad.

Right now I'm writing a little fan fiction, and I assure you it's going to be awesome.

Finished it last and I wasn't too impressed it.  I think its the poorest of his books and he seemed to try and do a bit too much with the story this time.  By the end I thought it was bordering on complete nonsense!

 

Now reading "Terry Pratchett - The Wit and Wisdom of Discworld"

I have around 30 Discworld books, both audio and text.. and they get progressively worse as the series goes on. Anything after the first ten just isn't funny, interesting or creative. He needs to stop writing Discworld books now, he really does.

I found a deid fox in the snow today

 

How do you know it wasnae just resting?

A night on the raz, he thinks he kens a shortcut hame, and in a fit of misguided drunkenness climbs the fence and passes oot before he hits the grun.

600k for a "59 goals in 279 matches" striker? JC's dreaming.

 

Mind you, if that's the way to sell your players for the highest price, then go for it! Hey, it worked for Hibs and Hearts in the past couple of seasons. Why not us? Although I reckon he should put a price of 1.6million on Mackie's head. Maybe that'll encourage the financial idiots like Man City to come sniffing, hehe

Maybe JC wasnae referring to his worth as a striker being 600k... maybe he meant if the club were to sell bits of the laddie on the illegal human organ black market.

Maybe one day soon Darren will wake up in a bath of ice in a basement in Tijuana.

Could happen.

If Miller and Calderwood think he merits a contract why the fuck are folk so vexed by it?

 

The professional football management careers of some of you has managed to pass me by completely.

To be perfectly fair, I've never acted  either... but I can tell you Keanu Reeves is an absolutely fucking diabolical actor just by watching him ply his trade.

Any time I've seen The Dazzler ply his trade I've been reminded of Keanu Reeves... in Johnny Mnemonic.

Lee Mair, Derek Young and Darren Mackie all signing new deals.

Cause for a celebration, me thinks.

And by 'celebration' I mean 'accept the brutal pummeling of any dreams I might have had of glory this season, next season, or any other season that involves Dazzlin' as one of our main strikers and Young as our midfield dynamo'.

I understand they're cheap as a Regent Quay Hoor, but they also play fitba like they're Regent Quay Hoors inna.

Why not just get rid of the Dazzler and the Asian, and bring in a couple of kids who will be just as cheap, probably just as ineffective, but at least said kids will have some kind of potential?

Or why not bring in a couple of Regent Quay Hoors?

I fucking despair when I see 1st division shite like that two getting games because "They try really hard". Actually, I tell a lie, Young isnae even 1st division shite... he was released by Thistle.

A 3 year contract for one of the least gifted strikers we've had at Pittodrie in my lifetime....

... I've got a razor blade kicking around my bathroom cabinet, I think it might be time to consider putting it to good use.

/ wrists.

I just wonder what sort of player he'll be if/when he ever returns.

From what I've seen of him he's a solid player who is a cut above the kind of pish that has become synonymous with Aberdeen players over the last few years. If we could count on him to remain free of injury then I'd be all for offering him a new contract.

His track record is one of constant injury though, and for a club as skint as we are can we afford to carry anyone, let alone a higher earner who's place on the treatment table could well be keeping two new faces out of the squad?

I like Jamie Smith as a player, but I'd cut him loose and look for a replacement who benefits us on the pitch.

I'll knock fuck outta you with my cordless mouse if you do!

DIE!

You'll have to excuse me for not saying that to your face inna :-)

I don't think Robo knows what you're talking about :-)

Should I have told you that to your face?

Well his father did so that he could have a son.

According to the Thistle fans he's a good player with a lot of potential (though at 23/24 how much more time do you need to develop that potential).

But he's cheap, still breathing and wages probably wouldn't be out of our price range.  That makes him a potential candidate.

If he turns out to be any good then that's a bonus but not a necessity.

It's a well known fact that I live in Dalry.

Anyone who wants some of Kelt can arrange to meet me at the church any fucking time they feel tasty.

Bring mates and a hemmer.

Right now I reckon we are capable of beating any team in the SPL.  Rangers and Celtic aren't scary, they aren't big or clever, they sign shite like Broadfoot and Boyd.

If we go at them we can beat them, and if we lose while having a go at them then so be it.

To fuck with this sitting in shite. They're there for the taking.

Close with a seal? Please.

Sure thing, Amigo. Apologies for not thinking of that myself. I too love the cheeky wee fuckers.

I used to think the stuff you posted was funny, and I still do at times but this has just made you come across as a right arrogant twat.

 

You should maybe go to the South Stand and put this proposal to them, mention what you're saying here and say: "My idea is........"

 

I'm not sure they can read it on here - not sure they work by computers like we do. Also explain the error of their ways IN YOUR OPINION.

 

No point being the arrogant keyboard warrior, be outspoken face to face - its all well and good hiding behind the computer mate....... however let people know your feelings. You think its a good idea, so let them know.....

Robo, you should know a couple of things when dealing with me.

1. I post for my own amusement, not anyone else's.  If you used to find me funny and now you don't, rest assured I'm still amusing myself with my posts and that's all that matters. Your entertainment isn't my goal 

2. Please don't try to E-Intimidate me, it makes you look rather foolish 

3. Being 4000 miles away it's rather difficult for me to tell the awfully frightening casuals anything, but perhaps I could send them a letter if it'll make you feel any better about life in general.

Would leave us with very little squad depth whilst also having to give JC money that seemingly the club cannot afford.

Not necessarily. We lost a bunch of players at the end of last season and we've more or less replaced them all.  We did have the slow start to this season, as we've mentioned, but we're pretty much at the same level as we were last time around.

If we lose them we can replace them, assuming a little work from the club instead of their usual dicking around until the last minute.

That's what fucked our club in the past.. the 'plenty of time' attitude in close season from AFC meant we got the dregs of what was available on a Bosman.

Last season it looks like the club actually put some thought into the upcoming close season and were able to get replacements in for the players leaving.

No reason we can't do that again.

but unfortunately that takes months to replace them and for the team to gel - and if we want to make europe next year we need stability in the squad.

 

We are not mediocre in the SPL - we are better than mediocre - but the board won't put any extra cash to give us the option to buy players in January.

 

If players leave - our euro hopes will be significantly dented and expect another very slow start to next season as players get to know how to play together. Then the cycle continues.

Well, it's all relative, I guess.

In the little bubble that is the SPL we're now a top 6 side with ambitions of periodic European football and the odd semi-final. That puts us in the 'Slightly better than mediocre' category, but it still doesn't make players irreplaceable. 

The only player we've suffered from losing in recent years is Anderson.  First on the team-sheet... okay, second after Dazzlin' Darren.... his departure revealed the defensive frailties of the rest of the players... though Diamond is rapidly filling Andos boots.

But guys like Lovell, Nicholson, McGuire, Byrne, Dempsey, Mike, Bird, Prunty, Sheerin, D'Jaffo, McAllister, Hinds, Rutkeiwicz, Crawford, Tosh etc.. didn't leave holes so big they weren't pretty much immediately filled.

And the current squad, we could lose Smith (never plays anyway), Young, JDV, Mackie and to a certain extent Severin and Mair and not have to worry too much about bringing in similar quality. 

I take your point about gelling, and that would be my only real concern.. that it would take a while for their replacements to form an understanding meaning we get off to another slow start.

But individually we could also lose guys like Bossu (please), foster and Maguire and be very confident that we'd pick up players of equal ability.

But I see we want to offer Mackie a new contract.

That's just magic.

That's fine, they can all go. The awesome mediocrity of our club means that we can pretty much replace any of our players, coaches, board members or management with the absolute minimum of trouble.

Mediocrity does have its pluses.

"I tried to murder the wrong man", says WJ.

I'm sure it's happened to all of us....

Guy lying prone on the deck, and you reckon it's someone you don't like, so you try to murder him.  Then, and we can laugh about this later, you realise it's a case of mistaken identity and you've just attempted to murder the WRONG guy!

Haaaahaaaa.. och, was I nae affronted wi myself for THAT mix up?

They went dressed as football casuals, which was handy...

Casuals wear ugly, navy wind-cheaters now?

The old casuals should fight the new casuals.  A fight using their lack of individuality as their only weapons.

"Look, I'm wearing the same stuff that you are".

"That's awesome".

Nice, professional job. Seems to be taking place in a canteen where everyone's just talking away behind the camera.

Well done to Mackie for keeping his composure and not blasting the interviewer over the (salad) bar.

He remains focused and tucks his answers away with cool finesse.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-A9L3gK7jE