The Oxford Don

I'm so angry/hurt/frustrated I'm actually not feeling well. That's the first time I've ever had to pop headache pills after watching a football match - I actually thought I was going to have a fit during that game. End of the road for Calderwood - I just can't wait to see how the shambles of a club handles the situation. Whatever they do (or, heaven help us, DON'T do), a fucking car crash is imminent.

Diamond, Severin and Foster all get pass-marks. The rest should all get shot.

...is the correct answer. To quote one of my Hibee mates, "Brian Kerr is the poor man's Jarko Wiss". Nein. Danke.

Considine was our best player yesterday by a country mile. Seve and Langfield also deserve an honourable mention though.

deh-deh-deh-deh-CHARLIE MULGREW! deh-deh-deh-deh-CHARLIE MULGREW! Good capture...

29. It is unreasonable to expect the club to sign a genuine, dedicated and decent left-back. 30. I am now 30 years old and have given up all hope of the Dons winning at Ibrox again in my lifetime. 31. There is more than one way to skin a Ricky Foster. 32. Funny, inventive and original chants about AFC players are to be treated with a mixture of suspicion and fear. All chants about players must consist only of a monotonous drone in which the player's name is incanted ad nauseam as if trying to put a curse on said player instead of sing his praises. 33. If someone attempts to start a funny, inventive and original chant about a player he must be drowned out with the usual quasi-Satanic drivel. 34. AFC do not win games comfortably. Even in matches where we have played the other team off the park and are winning 3-0 with 20 minutes to go, it is obligatory that there will be a fluke goal for the opposition leading to panicky defending, 14 men behind the ball and heart failure for those of us watching from the stands. 35. There will be no steak pies left by the time you reach the front of the queue, so don't even ask [has anyone actually successfully procured one of these mythical items? Do they in fact exist? If so, do you have to reserve them prior to kick-off, or perhaps several days in advance? Please enlighten me].

9. You get a better class of lunatic in Section Y than you do in the top deck of the RDS. 10. Games in which Aberdeen are at home to teams from lower in the league whom we're expected to beat are invariably dreadful, disappointing affairs which end in draws. 11. NEVER, EVER include Aberdeen on a fixed-odds coupon (see #10).

AFC Player of the season - Zander Diamond, by default AFC Goal of the season - Sone Aluko versus Dundee UTD Bounce of the season - Sol Plaza in Madrid Game of the season - 4-0 victory against Copenhagen AFC Cunt Award - Jimmy Cunterwood And in other catagories SPL Cunt of the season - Nacho Novo SPL Shitest player of the season - Scott Brown, simply in terms of output versus hype Best grub award - The hospitality suite at Falkirk - 4 course meal! Best away boozer - That pub we were in 'til 4am in Madrid after the game

Fuck the sheep! No, quite literally, fuck the sheep...

I love Ricky Foster too, in ways which, after tonight's goal, some would deem unnatural...