This is it.  Your list of all time "Why the hell did they sign this guy" players. 

 

A Pylon by definition is a player who basically is on the pitch to serve as an obstacle for the other team to run around.

 

These are not the guys who only got into 1 game as a sub but your "every week this guy stinks up the joint" players.  "Who sold the manager a bill of goods on this loser"?

 

Some may argue that Jamie Langfield qualifies currently.  Certainly Kevin Rutkiwicz did. 

 

Who's on your list?

Gary Hackett - he had a bubble perm 5 years AFTER Neale Cooper. This alone should have meant he wasnt offered a contract.

 

Ian Robertson - knew we were in for a rough ride when this ginger clown was involved.

 

Craig Robertson - apparently there's no truth in the rumour that David Murray once beat him in a bleep test. Comes as a shock, to be honest. Nice goal v Rapid Vienna though

 

Paul fucking Kane - "No Kane. No Pain". That is all.

 

Ray McKinnon - all the dig of a baby trowel. Liked flicking his hair and passing the ball sideways... out the park.("after another laid back bout of non consequential wankery" - The Paper Tiger, 1995, summed him up perfectly)

 

Peter "Silky" Hetherston - I can only presume he wore silk underwear...

 

David "Zico" Winnie - he really did think Zico was a name given to him because he thought he was a good player. After hearing Stewart McKimmie tell Brian Grant that Zico was "f*cking pish", it's pleasing to know that even his so called peers agreed with the guys in the stand.

 

Jamie McQuilken - A Falkirk fan once said of him "One week he's Bobby Carlos, the next Bobby Davro". It appears we signed Bobby Davro's footballing equivalent.

 

Bryan Prunty - probably THE worst player I've ever seen in the famous red shirt. Taking three touches to score from a yard is quite an achievement - especially when he only meant one of them.

 

Brian O'Neil - Held the title before Prunty whimpered on to the scene. Started as a centre half, and then proved he was equally inept in a variety of positions.

 

Nicky Walker - He was pish at the huns, the diet huns and Fatprick Thistle, so no real surprise what he was at Aberdeen.

Tzanko Tzvetanov - brilliant debut v Celtic, and was then drunk for the remainder of his stay at Pittodrie.

 

...And several others I can not think of at this moment, and to be honest after that little lot, I have no wish to recall anymore of the jokers masquerading as Aberdeen players through the years.

 

currently, i'd have to say chris clark (last week excepted). never really know what he's supposed to be - he's got nae pace, he can't tackle and his record in front of goal is worse than hear'say's record in the top 10.

 

on the all time list, ilian kiriakov takes some beating: looked great on the telly, couldn't even throw the ball to his own team once we'd signed him.

 

toni kombouri (sp?)

 

michael o'neill: i remember him being good once. aye, for hibs.

 

jim hamilton: astonishingly, a man who tried LESS hard for his favourite team than he ever did (and continues to do) when playing against us.

 

cato guntveit: arrived unfit, was unfit the whole time we had him, punted him on unfit. passing was extraordinarily bad, scored about two goals in total.

 

thomas solberg: i'd argue, even worse than kombouri.

 

it's depressing just thinking about all the utter c0cks we've signed over the years, isn't it?

Tom Jones

 

I mean ffs we signed this guy at a time when we were still in the top two in Scottish football and for the older ones amongst us I give you WALKER MCCALL

David Winnie 

Haraldur Ingolfsson. I remember his debut. He'd been over for a visit when he was a kid of 13 or something in 1986, and decided he'd love to play for the famous Aberdeen. The papers were full of how it was a dream move for Iceland's Player of the Year (at that time), and how we were set to see left footed wing wizardry of the kind not seen since Peter Weir left all those years ago. I can't remember who we were playing (Airdrie?), but after about an hour, it was time for Haraldur. He was greeted with an ovation fitting for a new hero. After about 30 seconds, he received the ball on the wing, just in front of the main stand. He took two fairly awakward touches to control it ("it's ok, he's just getting into the game" thought i), before looking up and seeing someone screaming for a ball into the far post. A quick check of the ball, and Haraldur steadied himself for the cross. He swung his left foot at it, and sclaffed it high into the main stand.

 

And that's about all he did in a red shirt.

 

David Winnie was the first player to sign my autograph book, incidentally. He lived in the same street in Westhill as my mum's friend, and i went to get it after he came back from training. Proper gent he was. A truly awful player. But his status as a nice guy couldn't be faulted.

currently, i'd have to say chris clark (last week excepted). never really know what he's supposed to be - he's got nae pace, he can't tackle and his record in front of goal is worse than hear'say's record in the top 10.

 

on the all time list, ilian kiriakov takes some beating: looked great on the telly, couldn't even throw the ball to his own team once we'd signed him.

 

toni kombouri (sp?)

 

michael o'neill: i remember him being good once. aye, for hibs.

 

jim hamilton: astonishingly, a man who tried LESS hard for his favourite team than he ever did (and continues to do) when playing against us.

 

cato guntveit: arrived unfit, was unfit the whole time we had him, punted him on unfit. passing was extraordinarily bad, scored about two goals in total.

 

thomas solberg: i'd argue, even worse than kombouri.

 

it's depressing just thinking about all the utter c0cks we've signed over the years, isn't it?

 

One of those goals kept us in the cup (and ultimately got us to the cup final did it not?)!

David Winnie - Icelandic Player of the Year a couple of years ago.  The standard of football in Iceland must be rubbish.

David Winnie - Icelandic Player of the Year a couple of years ago.  The standard of football in Iceland must be rubbish.

 

Did he not get to play in a Champion's League qualifier the year after with Helsinki? And to think, Hearts got pumped at that level... 

 

Incidentally, i quite liked Guntveit. Thought he was quite underrated. I also thought he was signed as a winger, but Ebbe decided he would be the man to fill the holding position.

Some other pylons

 

Nigel Pepper – the worst 400K ever spend by AFC

Illian Kirakov (sp)  - waster

John Ingles – the second worst 400K spent by AFC

Ricky Gilles – Roy Aitken spots another gem

Colin Woodthorpe – Another 400K down the drain.

 

I could go on all day, but it really is quite depressing when you start counting up all the wasted money, most of it post Bosman when we shouldn’t have even been paying transfer fees.

 

I was at Ingolfsson's first match for the reserves before his debut against Raith Rovers, he scored twice against Rangers reserves in a 3-0 win. But thats all he did as i can remember.

Richie Byrne must be in there too.

Walker McCall was ok in his first spell I thought, was only really mince when he came back.

 

I give you Tony Warner, Nicky Walker, Leon Mike.........and I was never that impressed by Bobby Glennie

Big Walker was ok in his first spell. I'm with you Madbad (in the geriatric corner obviously)

cato guntveit: arrived unfit, was unfit the whole time we had him, punted him on unfit. passing was extraordinarily bad, scored about two goals in total.

 

 

Absolute nonsense of the highest order. Guntveit was a very very effective player who was a great worker. His midfield work and play was excellent for the Dons and one of the few Ebbe players who was missed when punted. Guntveit would stroll and easily command the current Dons midfield. In all honesty he might just have been the perfect foil for Seve this season.

Absolute nonsense of the highest order. Guntveit was a very very effective player who was a great worker. His midfield work and play was excellent for the Dons and one of the few Ebbe players who was missed when punted. Guntveit would stroll and easily command the current Dons midfield. In all honesty he might just have been the perfect foil for Seve this season.

 

Couldn't agree with you more. The Catman was was superb. He was a bloody engine! Our midfield was solid as fuck when he was there. Worked as a perfect transition player to take the ball from the midfield into attack. Not many fans remember a "Cato-moment". I do ... every game he didn't play, I noticed a big hole in our midfield!!! The man was a real unsung hero from the 2001/02 season ... a season whose limelight was snatched by the likes of Winters, Mackie, Bisconti, Dadi and Kjaer.

 

But as for the list of "Pylons":

 

Paul Kane - what a fuckin boring player! The only thing I ever remember about him was the fact that somebody on the original AFC Chat used to go by the name of Paul Kane Ate My Hamster!

 

Leon Mike - I tried to defend him as much as I could. He was powerfully built, and could certainly bulldoze his way into the box. From a lad who hit the crossbar with his first touch, and found the back of the net with his second ... man he did absolutely nothing in a Dons shirt ... apart from stretch that shirt from a size M to a size XXL. Rumour has it he went to Pittodrie's museum room and couldn't fit into Joey Harper's last shirt. Was probably best to stick to Coronation Street than Pittodrie Street.

 

Jim Hamilton - the other half of the dream partnership from Tynecastle. Between him and Neil McCann, they propelled Hearts to their Scottish Cup title. Yeah, clearly the huns got the footballing side of that duo! I ain't seen such a pathetic excuse for a striker since Mike Newell. Talking of which ...

 

Mike Newell - Shit, shit and more shit. All the hype about being "Alan Shearer's substitute" at Blackburn had us Aeberdonians soiling our y-fronts back in the day. He was about as impotent as Nevada boxing commissioner. Glad to see the (eventual) back of this waste of time and money.

 

Tzanko Tzvetanov - The only joy I ever got out of this guy was whenever DonsTalk had a topic of "Split At Birth", I'd always place him next to Nosferatu. He was made to look better than he really was because our defence at the time was absolutely shite. Then I saw a Masters Tournament on tele, and he represented Bulgaria. He was playing the Alex Miller defence tactic all over again. Just about wet myself with the painful memories that came flooding back.

 

Nicky Walker - aye, stick tae the shortbread tins, min! Fuckin plonker. Not only was he shit. He was shit and had a mullet!!! I couldnae believe he was third-choice Scotland keeper. Thank fuck Leighton and Goram were never injured at the same time!!!!! Lasting memory of him? Standing almost on the half way line against Brondby in the 1996 UEFA Cup. How fuckin easy was it for Bo Hansen to score that second for Brondby ... just as Scotty Booth was easing back into his shooting boots for the first time in about two years!!

 

Tony Warner - My memory has thankfully blanked everything out about Tony Warner ... apart from that fuckin cheesy guffy grin of his. "Tony ... yer still lettin goals in! Stop grinning!". Ah shit, the memories are coming back again ... where's my medicine?

 

John Inglis - The largest party known to north-east Scotland was held when Lefski Sofia took this goon off our hands. However, not only did we have to put up with Zeus' chizelled looks and completely inept defending for the worst four and a half years of AFC's history ... but we went and took him back a year and a half later!!!!! Clearly nobody has ever taught him how to play the ball on the ground.

 

Ricky Gillies - "Scotland's brightest young footballing talent" was one of the most disappointing players of the nineties. I had such high hopes, and was overwhelmed with excitement when it was announced we'd beaten the Old Firm, Liverpool and Spurs to get his signature. But, apart from bearing a slight resemblence to ex-Metallica bassist Jason Newsted, he really did do nothing. Perhaps it was "the Aberdeen effect" that hindered so many players who pulled on the red shirt in the mid nineties. But no! After watching him play three times for Napier City Rovers in New Zealand ... a part-time team who get paid about ten quid each per match, he has proved to me that he really is that bad!

Ricky Gillies - "Scotland's brightest young footballing talent" was one of the most disappointing players of the nineties. I had such high hopes, and was overwhelmed with excitement when it was announced we'd beaten the Old Firm, Liverpool and Spurs to get his signature. But, apart from bearing a slight resemblence to ex-Metallica bassist Jason Newsted, he really did do nothing. Perhaps it was "the Aberdeen effect" that hindered so many players who pulled on the red shirt in the mid nineties. But no! After watching him play three times for Napier City Rovers in New Zealand ... a part-time team who get paid about ten quid each per match, he has proved to me that he really is that bad!

 

If I'm not mistaken is their player/manager not Jonathon Gould?

 

Who is now playing as a Defensive Midfielder?

Not only was he shit. He was shit and had a mullet!!!

 

Best line of the day for me.  :D

If I'm not mistaken is their player/manager not Jonathon Gould? Who is now playing as a Defensive Midfielder?

 

You'd be right! Gould is player/manager at Napier City Rovers. And yes he is playing central defense!! Strange for someone who was an international-class goalie!

 

When Gillies signed for Rovers, the local headline was "Rovers net Million Dollar Man". I thought "who can this be?"

 

I read through the article, and it referred to the 300quid we paid S'murrn for Gillies. When exchanged in todays money, it equates to  NZ$1,000,000. And when I saw the big picture on the back page, there he was in his crowning glory ... Jason Newstead, lol

Might we add Craig Brewster to this list soon?

Nah. Brewster has actually been of some help to us.

 

Nicky Walker, on the other hand ...