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I'll start ...

 

"Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk that I'm a woman's man ... no time to talk"

'Black & White Minstrels set for comeback'

"I'm wearing this Bright White gleaming Gumshield so ma Boss dusnae understand me saying I wish I played in front of the Hun Fcuk back Four again ........."

 

or

 

"I only visited Simon Cowell's dentist for a check up and ended up buying his spare teeth"

"An African youth footballer has disappeared while his team attended a football festival in Aberdeen. The teenager is described as 5ft 7ins tall, of a slim build, and was also wearing a green Aberdeen football top. "

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There,s only one naw forget it 

 

"Sod this goalkeeping lark, I'm off to tend to my potatoes..."

"Hey boss, this is what Hearts are doin for their preseason trainin!"

 

"Sod this goalkeeping lark, I'm off to tend to my potatoes..."

 

"I could eat an apple through a letterbox..look I'll show ye's"

 

Or

 

" You boys are gonna get a game this season......fuck meeeeeee !"

Thats the last time I upset JC. Bastard turned his sun bed up full blast.

 

 

I'll need this to collect the balls from all the goals i'm going to ship too easily now that Anderson's gone from in front of me...

Oi! You lot wanna play goal then eh? EH?

"we are raaapeople"

 

"Sod this goalkeeping lark, I'm off to tend to my potatoes..."

 

MINCE AND Tatties