Sheep#1

What's the difference between a Paki girl and an ice hockey player?

Ice hockey players change their pads after 4 periods.

This one is particularly sick!

A woman gives birth, and a nurse takes the baby into an adjacent room to clean it up. She re-enters and approaches the mother, the babe wrapped up in a towel in her arms.

"Congratulations," she says. "It's a healthy baby girl." As she says this, she accidentally drops the baby, which promptly lands right on its squishy noggin.

"My baby!" screams the mother.

"Don't worry, I'll get it!" smiles the nurse.

However, she unfortunately stumbles and places her foot right on the baby's face, before accidentally kicking it across the room. It hits the wall with a sickening crack before the nurse runs over to it, peels it off the floor and throws it out of the window.

"What are you doing?!" yells the mother.

"April Fools!" replies the nurse. "It was already dead!"

How do you impregnate an Ethiopian?

Spunk on her feet and let the flies do the rest.

What's better than winning a gold medal in the Paralympics?

Not being disabled

What's Black and sits at the top of the stairs in a house fire?

Stephen Hawking

What's better than 7 babies in one bucket?

1 baby in 7 buckets

What's black and screams like fuck?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

What do you get when you put a baby in a blender ??

An erection

Whats funnier than a dead baby ?

Dead baby in a clown suit

What's black and doesn't work?

Half of London

My girlfriend called me a peadophile the other day.

I told her 'that's a very long word for a 6 year old!'

What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?

The little boy who lives under my stairs.

Whats the difference between Gary Glitter and Colin McRae?

Only two kids went down on Colin McRaes chopper.

Not particularly un-PC but...

 

 

What's blue and yellow and has a tight cunt at the end of it?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Aldi bag.

 

Love it!

As long as its not a cup "SEMI" final fixture, we'll be fine. 

Ha, true.  Never really occurred to me till you said that, that two of the most gutting results I've witnessed in many a year both came in cup semi-finals in the one season

It would just be so beautiful if:

 

The huns beat Hibs tomorrow and Motherwell on Wednesday to put them 2 points behind Celtic with 2 games in hand.

 

Then we beat Motherwell next Saturday and UTD get a draw at Ibrox meaning we move level with Motherwell and huns are 1 point off Celtic with a game in hand.

 

Then Celtic beat Hibs on the Sunday to go 4 points clear with 2 games extra played.

 

On the Saturday huns beat Motherwell to go within 1 point with a game in hand.

 

Assume huns beat St Mirren in midweek to go 2 points clear at top.

 

Then on the last day, Hibs beat/draw with Motherwell at ER, Celtic hammer UTD at Tannadice and we beat the huns.

 

We take 3rd and the huns lose the league. Its the stuff of dreams 

That's the stuff of WET dreams more like!!!  That and the huns also losing the UEFA cup final.  I could die a happy man!

I don't believe Motherwell can realistically be caught... but it would be so funny to finish higher than United.  They have been much better than us all season!!!  It'd be hilarious seeing them finishing below us in the league, and trophyless at the end of their "big" season!

 

That would be sweeeeeeeeeeeeet!  I bet a Arab mink I was on a stag do with, a score that we'd finish above them.  he's been winding me up for ages saying I may as well cough up now.  Joke could be on you jute boy!

An Atletico fan with a name like Petrovdiscoshoes. And he has the cheek to call us sticky horrible bastards! Excuse me, but Celtic fans COINED that phrase!!!!!!!!

How, what's the significance of the guys username?