bertie

What pub will the globes be in?

Yeah still breathing and big cheesy grin jute lad,dont you just love karma?

Cant wait til we hump these cossack believing champions league winners believing minky trampy scheme on feckwits next season

If we dont put five past them everytime im going to rip up my season ticket in disgust!!

To be fair and balanced there is a couple of ok people that support the diets and i have enjoyed winding them up a few times.

My favourite ones are telling club legend mr mackay that  "just think, if you had signed for the famous Aberdeen your tennants sixes winners medal wouldnt be so lonely" the lad did laugh n took it in good humour-actually turned out to be a decent lad i must admit

Another suprise was that subhaman cant of a human beinv called walter kidd.

Had been drinking in the globe on a sat afternoon before heading up tinky way to meet the wife in one of their upper class hosteleries .

walked into pub to be meet with the old american werewolf in london pub stare and silence,i think the fact i had all my own teeth gave the game away that i wasnt one of them.

mackay came in with some more club ahem legends and said hello to me etc,even went as far as buying me a drink.

i went back to the wife n pals to hear her going sssshhhh dont say anything to him.

hmmm i thought whats going on here??

Just as i was shrugging of my doubts,one of her no mark pals came to the table to say gary mackay n walter kidd are in

Ahhhhh walter fecking kidd that bawbag who ive always blamed for destroying my hero frankies career.

Right u bastard heres my chance to pull u up about that,the wifes head dropped as she noticed me staggering up to kidds table

"oi kidd u wanker,ur a fecking dickhead u destroyed frankies career u hun reject" again pub goes all quiet

Oh feck i think ive made a mess of this runs thru my head so i thoughf aw feck it may as well carry on

"aye u know what im talking about,1986 ring any bells with u?cup final?red card?mind now do you

reptile head?"

Luckily for me kidd glanced at mackay who shook his head and explained who i was

I berated the poor lad for about 5 mins before he finally answered and blamed it all on being peter weirs fault

How the feck do you work that out ratboy?

he explained that weir had been tearing him a new one all game and after getting it ripped once more,he brought the wing wizard down, the ref gave a foul against him and he lost it and chucked the ball at weir in a fit of rage!!

yeah he admitted he even messed that up and the ball smacked macdougall in the face instead.

to give the boy some credit he did apologise for destroying my frankies career, cant mind if he bought me a drink though. again he turned out to be almost ok as well

in closing for the defence - i say Feck the diets

Hearts eh must admit im in shock with all the nasty posts slagging of one of the finest clubs our country has produced, is there any need to revel in other teams misery? Think of the poor fans n what they are going thru............

what a nightmare week ive had trying to keep my face straight when poor loops is sitting there in tears

on a more positive note me n the wee rat jay have perfected our jig of joy every time she leaves the room

Oh and thank you mr romanov for paying for my wedding at tinkcastle,makes me proud to know i played my part in their downfall

my old pal n club legend will be auctioning of his medals won on ebay soon

Loops as some of you will know is well known up tinky way and is pally with staff n players has been out this afternoon for a few drinks with said tinky pals.poor lass has just came home upset n in tears as she has been told its admin next week

So the question is do i open the bolly n paaarty or offer some comfort n joy

I believe ill go for the former

Ps for you that know ive lost my moby with all my contacts so text me if you want

Mentorred - i think all fans want the best for the club but what is point of spunking 400k on his severence cos he obviously aint going to walk so lets give him the 400k to get the full backs in and see what happens.

we'll either be class and romp to 6th in the league or he'll fail and we'll just avoid relegation then he falls on his own sword at the end of the season and the new manager gets the basis of a half decent team to play with.

im awa back to my lair now

Right lads

I’m popping my napper up over the parapet wall again

Let’s get somethings in perspective here eh

We are only 9 pts behind third (yes I know at the moment).

We only lost 3pts on Saturday its not a point a goal as far as i'm aware (ok it was a humbling, very embarrassing and annoying loss especially when I was getting free drinks in the pub if it went to ten lol

To be honest I am still numb and in shock with it all (it compares to my wedding day) and trying to crack some jokes about it makes me feel slightly better

Last night was also a sore one but sitting in my darkened room I did see a chink of light in the way we played with some kind of determination and a little pride.

BUT I don’t think wasting circa. 400k in giving manky mark n the funky bunch the boot is the way forward.

It would be better to see the board giving the money to McGhee to buy some full backs and make sure it’s stipulated it’s to buy FULL BACKS first and foremost and not another five goal scorers (if there is any left lets gets a creative midfielder in as well)

Now obviously buying said full backs in real life is not as easy as fitba manager or the likes but there must be someone out there who is better than awful et al.

How about spending the next 6 weeks having a look at players who are out of contract in the summer, get them to sign up and offer their clubs some cash to get them rightaway

Then also have the common sense to put in writing to McGhee, this is your last chance if we don’t finish lets say top 6 or get to a cup final then you can feck awf in the summer with nae compo.

I don’t care how they get to top six or the final, 1-0 scrappy last min wins will do for me, obviously I would like to see a bit of flair and would prefer to see the silky fitba the green brazil play 

I actually feel quite safe in the knowledge that there is more chance of me sitting in the pbs swirling a scarf above me napper than our club being relegated.

I will back this up by treating everyone here a night out in the globe courtesy of me if this ever happened (errrr huid on make that just the cants I know, just to be on the safe side like)

cheers for the support of my hard work in working this out lads

the only reason i had done it was because i was getting peeved of with all the mongs down here saying their 3rd best cos of this and that blah blah blah. i was delighted in seeing the yams are actually 5th best though.

yes very bored at work!!

Alright peeps

not posted in ages (ever since the graffiti incident at gorgie - pesky irn bru took a junction out against us)

i do apologise in advance for the lengthy post but bear with me

I’ve been sitting here for hours trying to settle this difficult case and I was getting nowhere (I mean bored) so I thought I’d try and work out and settle the age old argument about who’s the 3rd best team in Scotland (disclaimer – I obviously think we are the best team in Scotland).

So anyway some people harp on about amount of trophies (yep that’s AFC), Euro baubles (again that’s AFC), average crowds, how old yer oldest fan is, best pies, best seats, first to have all seating, dugouts, ball boys, who has the biggest flag etc etc

So i've used the old formula of x + y = z

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I thought we could break it down to amount of trophies won in the past decades; I’ve only used Aberdeen, utd, hibs, hearts

1870s no trophies won 

1880s hibs 1

1890s hearts 4

1900s hibs and hearts 2 each

1910s no trophies

1920s no trophies

1930s no trophies

1940s Aberdeen and hibs 1 each

1950s hearts 4 (Aberdeen and Hibs 2 each)

1960s hearts 3

1970s Aberdeen 2 (hibs 1)

1980s Aberdeen 8(10 if u count euros) (utd 2)

1990s Aberdeen 3 (utd hibs n hearts 1 each)

2000s hibs and hearts 1 each

2010s utd 1

So if we disregard the early years as afc and utd were not around to win anything and start it from 1920s it would appear that Aberdeen have the most successful record of the so called best of the rest argument.

(It also looks pathetic that there has been decades when nothing has been won but in our defence us and utd were only recently formed compared to hibs n hearts)

*when it appeared that the trophy was won in the season ending in 00 I used that as the start of a decade*

Anyway sorry to bore you all, im away back to do that case now

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Right I’ve done some more working out

Giving each team 10pts for a win, 5pts for runners’ up/2nd and 2pts for 3rd place I have came up with this

                    AFC      DUTD      HEARTS    HIBS

League cup    85            30              50          60

Scottish cup  110          55              100        65

League          121          26              140        96

Total            316          101              290        221

Please note that this is from year dot I will try and work it out from 1927 to see what the two Edinburgh clubs true figures should be

It’s also worth noting that in head to head in cup finals

Utd have only beat AFC (1)

Hmfc have only beat hibs (1)

Hibs have beat no one and lost to hearts (1) and Afc (2)

AFC have beats hibs (2) and hearts (1) whilst losing to utd

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I’ve worked it out from 1927 onwards

The final scores are in

Aberdeen    316 pts

Hibs            188 pts

Hearts        175 pts

D Utd          101 pts

So there it is using the x, y and z formula Aberdeen are the 3rd best team in Scotland

Wahey that’s an excuse to celebrate the night

in/out - out

Prediction - lots of booing and general apathy

Pre Match - pub

During Match - the lucky seat in pub hopefully with the lucky flag in position n all

Post Match - placing limpet mines on a boat in the forth

i would have aluko n wright up front with the new signing tucking in behind them

in a 4-3-1-2 formation

got to play our so-called flair players as the pitch must be in a good condition with it being new etc

in fact scrap the above i would have the new signing on the right and aluko on the left with wright n mackie up front

so its a 4-4-2 with the wide men pushing forward in an exciting positive attacking formation.

in saying that it will be a 0-0 snoozefest

1. Mizer

2. Funster

3. GD

4. Manc_don

5. Padre

6. Hebrew

7. BigAl & Son

8. topcorner

9. Bert and the irn bru mob